You can't get over your ex till you meet the next...

Hey all.
So this theory was one i heard while in Law School. My friend had recently split with her boyfriend but was still dating him. Sort of.
One day when i saw her crying, we spoke about it and she put it a bit more crudely- "To get over your ex, get under the next" and she assured me she would be fine once she met someone new.

I never really processed that laughing it off as things we say when broken.

I did know though that when i was heartbroken, a compliment from someone new always cheered me up. But then i am a leo- easily pleased.

Fast track a few years later.

I fell in love, and then it ended and i, like humpty dumpty, never really got back together again.
I was truly done with love and had considered getting a cat or nine. While i knew in theory that i was over my ex and did not want to be with him any longer, i still hurt, especially when i heard his name.
It got better, like Leona Lewis assures, in time.

But then i met Mr C

Mr C got me off guard; i had not gone out that night expecting to 'pull'. I thought i would go out, come home and sleep. But i went out and met Mr C and felt such a huge attraction to him that it is no surprise we started dating.

And just as my friend predicted. Meeting someone and falling (in intense like?) made me so strong that now, you can even mention my ex's full name and i wouldn't flinch.

So wait. Does that mean that if you do not fall in love with someone new you cannot get rid of someone old?

My people, talk to me!

Music to Real Life... Part 2

So, the second song was one i randomly played on the show today.
While i am not as torn up as Natalie Imbruglia is, i do think it speaks a bit to how i feel today!
Thank you music!


NATALIE IMBRUGLIA LYRICS
"Torn"

I thought, I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around and he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry

Well, you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore

There's nothing where he used to lie
The conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's fine, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn

It crawled beneath my veins
And now I don't care, I had no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can touch, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn, torn

There's nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's right, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on this floor

Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed
Bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late, I'm already torn, torn

From MUSIC to REAL LIFE... Music heals it all... Part 1

Hey yo!

Ever noticed how no matter what you are going through, somehow there is someone who has gone through it and you have the evidence because they sang a song about it?

Yeah me too.
So today ii have not one, but two songs .

Let us start with how crappy i have been feeling lately. Just really crappy. Like i am losing it. So to make it worse, my darling team, Manchester United has been breaking my heart lately.
It's tough to explain but when it rains it pours.

So this morning, i remembered a song i once played when Liverpool beat us by five goals. And as i paraphrased the lyrics for my Man U fans, i realised just how much they could do for anyone going through stuff.

So here we go
My paraphrased version of T.I's "No Matter What"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, aye
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo
I say still I stand, aye
And shawty here I am

Neva have ya seen in ya lifetime
A more divine human being
Wit a swag like mine
Facin all kind of bs
But smile like Im fine
Brag with such passion
And shine without trying

Believe me, pain's a small thing to a giant
I was born without a handbook
Out tha pain I climbed
Spoke my mind
And didnt stutter one time
Ali say even the greatest
Gotta suffer some time

I aint dead
(Naw)
I aint done
(Naw)
I aint scared
(Of what?)
I aint run
(From who?)

But still I stand
(Yeah)
No matter what people
Here I am
(Yeah)
No matter what, remember

I aint break
(Neva)
I aint fold
(Neva)
They hate me mo
(So!)
Yeah I know
(Haha)

Here I go
(Yeah)
No matter what shawty, here I go
(Haha)
No matter what shawty

God'll take you through hell just to get you to heaven
So even though its heavy, the load I will carry
Grin and still bear it
Win and still share it
Apologies to those i hurt, I hope you can understand it
Life can change ya directions
Even when you aint planned it

All you can do is handle it
The worst thing you could do is panic
Use it to your advantage
Avoid insanity, manage to conquer
Every obstacle, make impossible possible
Even when winning's illogical
Losing's still far from optional
I weather whateva storm
Make it out with just a few bruises
But revenge is best served as a cold dish
And suckas will get served nigga, no shit
Guess it was understood, for me it was over with
But I dont quit if ya aint notice yet
They couldnt wait to say good night shawty
So they can try to rhyme, act and look like shawty
Somehow I rise above my problems and remain here
Yeah and I hope the picture painted clear
If ya heart filled with faith then ya cant fear
Wonder how I face years and Im still chillin?
Easy, let go and let God deal wit it


Read more: T.I. - No Matter What Lyrics

The case of the (off again on again) ex

So it was Selena Gomez's birthday a few days ago and guess who showed up with a single rose? None other than Justin Bieber.

As of then, they were officially off again with both of them having gone through great lengths to show they had moved on and yet he shows up for her birthday with a rose.

So, what does that mean when your ex brings a rose to you on your birthday?

If that happened to me...
- with an ex i still liked, it would destabilise me and make me wonder!
- with an ex i no longer cared for, it would come across as pretty pathetic.

For him to have brought that rose and not try to sneak in or anything, i believe he knew for sure there would be no current boyfriend giving him the eye, and his gift would not be thrown to the floor dramatically.

So what is it with celebrities like Chris Brown and Rihanna, and now Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez not being able to make clean breaks?

Personally, when a relationship ends, i think of it as over, done, dusted, o look here is the museum you can hang our memories up at over.
On and Off again? That can't be healthy!

Are you a clean break kind of person or does it take you a few starts and stops to finally end things?

Talk to Tosyn!

Just Because...

I went out last weekend and it was le struggle to leave the house but once i did...

Now i am a party animal. Or i was. When i was in secondary school and the university, i lived for parties. Especially dancing. I was convinced i would one day fall in love on the dance floor. Hasn't happened yet, but fingers crossed.
In Uni, i would dress comfy to go clubbing. See i was not going to check out what other girls wore. My mission was simple- dance and then sleep the next day
And it was pretty much a good routine.

But now that i work in media and entertainment, going out is no longer mostly social. Now it is work. And it never sinks in that sometimes, people go out, actually just to hang out.
Really?

So when a friend told me to come to his house for a party, i truly debated it.
What to wear
When to get there
How long to stay for
Make up? or no?
Heels or flats?
Take something along or just show up

etc
etc
etc

In the end, i wore a simple black top and skirt combo with flats. And boy was i glad i did!
It was laid back and casual with food, cake, and drinks.
And music

I went from not wanting to go, to dancing and not wanting to leave.

It was fun, i had fun, and i will try it again

You know.. party... Just Because!

Women in Entertainment

Why aren't there as many prominent female artistes as there are male ones?
Why aren't female comedians as well-known as their male counterparts?
Why does it seem that even in the entertainment industry, the great gender divide persists?

Well, i am a female in this entertainment industry.
On one hand, i am a writer who writes for a National newspaper and various magazines. As such, i get to cover all kinds of information, including entertainment.
Also, i have a music persona, CON.tra.diction, who is a singer / songwriter.
And lastly, i own my own companies that one way or the other, deal in entertainment currency. s.h.a.r.e is a social network, SPEECHgirl is a media and entertainment company, and Elenu Gba N Gba is a PR firm targeted specifically at celebrities and the red carpet!

I therefore feel i am a tad bit qualified to speak about what it means to be a female in this industry.
ABi?

So,
Is it that we are now as hard working as our male colleagues?
Is that we do not have a level playing field?
Why are we SEEMINGLY not as successful as the guys?

To be honest, i would never be in a discussion where i would ever say that women are not as hardworking as men.
So that would not be my take on the matter.
Instead, i would point out some things that may seem simple, but mean a lot.

PERCEPTION AND STEREOTYPES
It is a man's world; abi?
Which is why there are so many double standards.
Which is why, when a man sleeps with a hundred women, he is a stud, but when a woman sleeps with ten men, then she is a slut.
So, imagine a guy and a girl in the same industry, trying to handle the neccessary social networking that occurs. Sooner or later, the girl is going to be viewed with a certain level of disdain.
And of course, if a guy has to flirt with some women to get some work done, then he is charming.
The girl flirts?
Err..
SLUT
or at least, TEASE.

And for music, how about lyrics and videos?
A guy talks about sex.
yeah, whatever.
A girl does and it's probably cause for a constitutional conference.
A guy has half naked girls dancing in his videos...
Cool vid dude.
A girl is half nude in her vid
WHAAAAAAAAAAt?
Does she not have parents???

SOCIETY'S RESTRAINTS
So, artistes have to do the craziest things to get their music out.
We record all night in the studio, we perform at shows that end at 4am, we go on road trips.
Well, at least, we try to.
Let us be honest; how many girls are going to get the permission (from parents, boyfriends, husbands, and even SOCIETY) to stay in a studio overnight, 'recording', to come back home at 5a.m after a show, to travel out of Lagos all the time?
For a long time, that did not occur to me cos my folks are pretty liberal. But i started gisting with some other female artistes (and this applies in journalism and other aspects as well oh) and opened my eyes sharp sharp!

THE BAD GUYS OUT THERE
Let us face it, guys can be... Bad.
And this is me putting it real mad; i am actually thinking of another 'b' word. But this is a P.G rated blog.
True story.
My friend records a song and gets signed to a management company.
The owner of the firm is friends with some guy who is in some company that organises shows a lot.
So this guy says, 'Do me a favour, let my girl perform at the show'.
And the FRIEND says, 'Sure, but the girl SEXY so i have to sleep with her first'.
I found this story to be so painfully funny.
I mean, COME ON
Are you kidding me?
But that is how the cookie crumbles.
There is a lot of sexual harassment out there.
FULL STOP.
And it takes a lot to stand your ground in this industry.

But i am in this industry.
And i have to be honest with you, i have great role models and friends to look up to.
She is not in the entertainment industry per se, but my sister is a driven, brave and innovative business woman and i have been taking tips from her (without her knowledge oh)
Bobby Taylor is into PR and she is passionate and fierce and driven.
Emem Ema is gearing up to be an entertainment mogul and she is so smart and focused, it's not even funny.
Osagie Osarenkhoe is a young, dynamic female who owns her own Management company already. WORD!

I love these girls, and i am glad that they do what they do.

For me, i would say that there are ... things i have learnt SO FAR. More lessons will come i am sure
- You are a woman.
Don't apologise for it. But don't dwell on it either.
- Shake hands firmly, maintain eye contact, and don't be the girl whose head they want to pat; be the girl whose opinion counts.
This rule is harder for me. I swear, i am a typical daddys girl and i am so used to all that feminine wiles b.s. I like to bat my eyelashes, and speak like a little girl. But now, i am learning to show that i am cute, but maa mi, i can do business as well
- Respect yourself.
Yes, you will have crushes and fall in love, but you do not need to sleep with all the guys on the football team to get ahead. learn to seperate what you do genuinely for 'love' (lett us all throw up collectively), and what you do so you can get your name in the paper!

Like i said, these are the things i have learnt so far, and i am still learning, falling and starting all over again.

Tosyn Bucknor
Remember me as an individual.
Remember me as a Yoruba, Lagosian from Nigeria
Remember me as a woman.
But remember me as TOsyn

JEANS for GENES; the Show Itself

Jeans for Genes; the Fashion Exhibition, held on March 29th, at SWE BAR, City Mall, Lagos.

The event was well-publicised before the day on radio, in print media, and mainly on facebook and by a week to the event, 290308 had become the passcode people wanted a ticket to.
The concept was unique; invites cost whatever donations people wanted to make at the door, and all donations went into the THESE GENES; Sickle-Cell Project, a project designed to create awareness on sickle-cell, and also give people an avenue to express themselves on sickle-cell.

The event started at 2pm, but SPEECHgirl had an exclusive backstage pass way before it started!
Only us saw the running around, the last minute adjustments made to the runway, the models that cancelled and had to be replaced, and the general panic before things began.

From the actual show itself though, you could never have guessed this was happening as the show kicked off with Tosyn Bucknor weaving through the excited crowd, asking them about their day and their sense of style. She then introduced the host of the day - Shade Ladipo who also introduced her celebrity co-host - Ebuka!
Together, they held the guests spellbound for the duration of the show, making people laugh, smile, and also getting people to share any sickle-cell stories they had.

Guests at the event included Tracy Nither, Emem Ema, Ashionye, Chris Ihidero (editor of MADE magazine), Lamide Akintobi, Muiyiwa Osindero (Clothsense), Alex Yangs, the Redstrat trio (Chude, Emilia and Adebola Williams), Tee-A, Lydia Idakula, M.P, Amina Ebele Idris, and the Unrulies.

There were three main designers for the day.
BEAMPEH was the first to show off her collection of Soul / Ethnic designs. Her clothes were beautiful, and the models walked to 'Awe' by asa. BYGE also showed her own specially designed line for THese Genes which featured elegant clothes. Accessories by Ayana were also modelled at the same time, making it a perfect combination of fashion, accessories and beauty. MY Q modelled her own alternative collection which was a combination of various feels, and the models strutted to 'Sensual Seduction' by Snoop.
All designers donated some of their outfits to the sickle-cell project and these can be viewed and bought by contacting These Genes.
OUCH! who runs both a male and female line, was exhibiting his ties at the exhibition and this is where the male models showed what they were made of. With nothing but their jeans and ties on, they gave the ladies something to scream about!

THESE GENES also had its own runway when it modelled tshirts that had been designed by Energy, Toni Payne, and QuikLinx. With funny and zany inscriptions like 'These Genes Celeb', 'Whats Your Sign?' and 'Looking Good in These Genes', all the tshirts were customised and shown by the models, and special guests like Gbemi of COOL F.M, Noble Igwe, Lola Talabi and surprise! surprise, Mrs Sola Bucknor!
All models walked to 'Booty Call' by D'Banj, a song that seemed to fit the swag perfectly.

Make-up for the models and the hosts was done by Face Factor and Labelle's Touch, and they can also be reached via the These Genes database.

It was not all fashion, beauty and style though as there was music, poetry and comedy on the day!
Lanre, an upcoming comedian and comedy celeb, Jedi, sent the guests reeling with laughter as Chiedu Ifeozo and Sage did poetry and spoken word respectively. It seemed it was a day for alternative forms of entertainment as rock and acoustic soul led the day with Bez Idakula and Aysia thrilling the crowd with their guitars, and Etcetera doing same with his piano! It wasn't all acoustic though as Toks D Don, Drenco and Divine Brothers gave a variety that ranged from ragga to rap, to gospel accapella.
The guests at the event were not only entertained but absolutely amazed when 11 year old rapper, Li'L Flow, came on stage. He seemed shy just before getting on, but once the beat came on, it could have been a 30 year old rap superstar on stage!
Hip-Hop had its day at Jeans for Genes as Jesse Jags, and Hip-Hop World Awards winner, M.I rounded off the list of excellent performances.
But let us not forget the greatest performer on the day, Toyin Adesola, author of Still Standing, a true account of her journey, living with sickle-cell for 40 years. She read an excerpt from her book, and These Genes has copies of the book on sale.

Jeans for Genes was a day of fahion, music, poetry and beauty, but it was more than that. It was an event created to raise funds and awareness for the sickle-cell project. The event itself might have rapped with a vote of thanks by the Project and Event Co-ordinator, but there are still a million ways to be a part of the project!
You can still buy any of the tshirts, wristbands, ties or clothes that have been donated to the project, you can donate money, time or talent to the project, and you can keep telling people about THESE GENES; the Sickle-Cell Project, and Sickle-Cell itself.

In the meantime, the organisers wish to thank Zapphaire Events and PR, UNRULY INC, Yvents Couture, SWE Bar, all media houses, and all management and recording companies who let their artistes perform at our event, for their continued support of the Sickle-Cell Project.

THESE GENES; the Sickle-Cell Project cannot work without its team of workers and volunteers
Tosyn Bucknor; Co-ordinator
'Subi Mabogunje; Creative Desk, Designs and Branding
Noble Igwe; Consultancy
Osagie Osarenkhoe, Bolaji Salami, Joko Ladipo, Akinyemi, Rogba Arimoro, all all our other volunteers.

JEANS FoR GENES

The JEANS FOR GENES Fashion Exhibition will hold on SAT, March 29th, at SWE BAR, 12 – 5pm
- It is a fundraiser organised by THESE GENES; Sickle-Cell Project in partnership with ZAPPHAIRE EVENTS and s.h.a.r.e SOCIAL NETWORK, with support from SWE BAR and DO SUMTHING POSITIVE NIGERIA.
- It is packaged by SPEECHgirl PRODUCTIONS and ZAPPHAIRE PR and proudly supported by CHOCOLATE CITY, X3M MUSIC, VICTORIA OLA ADIGUN, BUNMI ADEDIPE, SWE BAR AND CAPITAL HILL.
- JEANS FOR GENES Fashion Exhibition will feature a specially designed line by various designers with these designers working with DENIM fabric to create themed looks for the day. Designers participating include BEAMPEH, MR KING, BYGE, PABLO, MY Q, ESTELLE COUTURE and TIES BY OUCH!
- THESE GENES will also be exhibiting special edition TONI PAYNE for THESE GENES tshirts on the day.
- There will be Accessories by AYANA, ORE'S PEARLS, BEAMPEH, and THESE GENES Wrist-bands
- And MAKE-UP by LABELLES TOUCH, TOUCH OF K, FACE FACTOR, and a host of others.
- And there will be fabulous performances by
AFRICA’S MOST ANTICIPATED HIP-HOP ARTISTE, M.I,
JESSE JAGS, BEZ IDAKULA,
Spoken Word Maestro, SAGE,
Underground Rap Sensation, KEL,
Nigeria’s Rock Guru, ETCETERA, DRENCO,
CHIEDU IFEOZO, CON.tra.diction,
and a special appearance by 2SHOTZ.
There might also be one or two surprise guests but that is being kept under wraps for now

The event is by invite only and invites are now available. To get one, TEXT your NAME, and state whether you want the i.v for one, or Plus one, to 08023066252
I.Vs cost WHATEVER YOU DONATE AT THE DOOR!
- We also ask that people come prepared to buy THESE GENES tshirts, outfits, and accessories.

This is a RED CARPETED event and will be covered by various Media Houses including GUARDIAN, SOUNDCITY, THIS DAy, ENCOMIUM, THE SUN, CITY PEOPLE, WHATS NEW?, REF:, and various BLOGS and ONLINE MAGS!
Dress Code is JEANS GLAM and this will definitely be an event to remember!
But don't forget the reason for the season!
Every family in Nigeria has a Sickle-Cell story; here is our opportunity to do something about it!

- For more information, call TOSYN on 08023066252, JOKE on 08075345278, send an EMAIL to THESEGENES@GMAIL.COM, INFO@THESEGENES.COM, or check the website out WWW.THESEGENES.COM