Tuesday, October 21, 2008

He Was a Nice Guy

i wish i could let him go, and let him get away with it.
Part of me worries that my healing is tied to my willingness and ability to forgive, and let things be. And yet, each morning i wake up and pray for forgiveness, even as i forgive those who have trespassed against me.
Then i tell God that it is really hard to extend that to him sha.

What am i on about it?
My last few status updates on crack... sorry, facebook give an inkling.
I have gone all mad at the 'nice guy'. You know.
You grow up hating so called bastards. Then you think men are just.. well, men!
Then you meet a nice guy and it's alright. And then you delude yourself and say stuff like,
'Once you go nice, you can never go back'.

Well sister!
I am here at my cynical best to inform you that nice guys can be even worse. So never let your guard down cos when you least expect it..with the least likely suspect...you will find yourself sharing a very public heart (ache?) with the world.

I wish my blog was anonymous.
And i wish it was not linked  with my facebook notes.
Cos here i am, wanting to wear my heart on my sleeve in this online diary, wanting to vent and all, and yet i am worried.
Ah well.
Forgive me.
I did try not to do anything.
Tried to pretend i was fine.
Even wore a dress to Taruwa.
Tried to convince myself that if i looked good, i would feel good.
Then of course, i saw him, and my world came crashing.

I suppose you can never delude yourself into believing you are over someone, till you see them in a public place (possibly where you both met), and can exist.
For as long as seeing them causes you to either laugh a little too loud so they know you are doing just fine without them, or  causes you to walk out during performances cos you want to cry a bit, or curses you to not even talk to your best friend, or the people you love cos they are afterall, all men as well..
then no,
you. aint. over. him.

Now, if i told you the story of 'him' ehn, you could laugh at me.
You would wonder why i am letting something so short and insignificant, get to me.
He doesn't get it either.
When he gets all self-righteous and takes on a role of a love martyr, he truly wonders what he did so wrong.
I mean, would he be the first guy to say he wasn't ready? That he needed time? That he wanted to somehow, even though Pandora's box had been opened, stay just friends?
What did he do that was so bad sef?
Abeg Tosyn, FREE HIM!!!

Honestly, you may not get it either!

But you see, the first time i loved and lost, it was with someone i never even dated, and didn't know for long.
But still, he became a legend.
Cos it took seven years to get over him.
At some point when i was sitting down randomly in class in Law School, i realised i had to find closure, or i would be rooted to the same spot for the rest of my life.
So i got over him.
Seven years later.
So if it takes me a little time to get over this one (Supposed. Nice. Guy. Now. Annoying. One), then so be it.

Thank you to those who introduced me to COLBIE CAILLAT, once again.
Her songs capture how i feel perfectly.
Sometimes, it seems i am telling him that if he just realises what i just realise, then we could be happy together. Other times, i realise it is a battle.
I also love Alanis. Cos she said it well when she says she thought we could be happy together.
But we are not.

So here i am.
Up in the middle of the night.
And hoping this helps.

Here is a toast to all those who love and get it right!


  1. awww i hope u feel better! it shux tho but dats why u have ur CD's to listen to.I LOVE UR BLOG!!!

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. life sucks

    its hard to get over someone who once meant so much

    but hon-u WILL get dia

  4. when u love and it goes sour, its the worst feeling in the world...i know from experience, all you can do is shake it off and try to concentrate on the positive things in ur life: things you love that make you happy like; God, family,books,movies,clothes etc....it helps. Ofcourse in the long run you will be fine..............

  5. if havin an anonymous blog will help, tosyn open one. dont like the way u r sounding now at all, nd i wish i cld punch his lyts out or sumtn, even if he hasnt done anytn so bad, no one shld make tosyn sound so down. it will get better in tym dear.

  6. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I jus wrote out my heart for u and this @##$$%^&*(%^$#@#$^^^ internet jus sent all my heartrending to oblivion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    (calmer now) anyays, d summary of wat i said is this. had a similar experience and the first thing i did was to admit my foolhardy, running ahead of him tactic. not lik i cld control it, but... i opened my heart to heal, and it helped, and is still helping. so, this too shall pass, maybe not like the rest but, give it its time, and it will feel better. in the meantime, am giving all the love i welled up for one individual to the simple things like taruwa, damilola ( my nephew, omg, is he cute or wat?), writing, doin things I like, being nice to people, reinventing myself and making each day an adventure... easier said than done, but its helping. they all may not take it all up, but they mak it a lot lesser load to carry. and den, i found out that God understands these things too. Me and Him were wonderingthe other day why His sons are jus so... u know... so... i give up! Buttalk to Him, ask Him to help u heal, He's d most fantastic ally at times lik dis. i mean, the guy cld jus keep havin flat tyres, 4 days in a row!in one week!!
    So, if u need anon to help u talk, please, by all means... send me d link!

  7. did i mention dat anita baker has been such a fantastic help in hitting the point home! i mean, who else cld make me feel so fly and so duuuuhhhh... jus by listening to sweet love or talk to me or soul inspiration?????

  8. thanks dear 4 droppin' by
    it's funny u used d same words at d beginning of ur post, as d comments u used on my blog.
    Forgiving na one aspect, and to forget nko...dats another!

  9. LMAO... u removd my comment.
    well, learn to remove your guards instead.
    ok, remove dis 1 again.
    if u care 2 knw we've met & u messed up with d impression u created.


  10. "THE WORLD IS LIKE A SPIDER WEB ONLY SMALL INSECTS GET CAUGHT" babe, take charge, dont just take care

    this is my blog
    i do not expect everyone in the world to like me, but i do not have to take anyones dislike or hate, on my blog

    especially as it wd seem u wd rather post ANONYMOUSLY than introduce urselg

    @ everyone else...
    once again, the love and care leaves me humbled and makes me feel special
    like Jordin Sparks said, i am taking it one step at a time

    for real
    how do u take charge?

  12. sometimes as grt as music may sound its not the correct healer,time i think is the best healing medcine its always slow and steady and u may never know in yr thinking it will take another 7 yrs u may love in 3wks life is like that wonder hw pple find love that last so far in my scenario i think its btw 6 and half a dozen.

  13. Finally I get wot u were on about. i wasnt 'defending men' at all o - my point is anyone (male or female) who doesnt know enuff to walk on egg shells around people's emotions doesnt deserve the tag 'nice' no matter how smooth they are.
    As for him, if a guy catches a diamond spitting fish and throws it back in the water do u pity the fish or the bagger? Dry ur eye ojare, deres boots to fill. . . .

  14. Halfway into reading this post...I thought..ehm, A 'Taruwa Boy Story', how fantastic...then I saw the 7 years bit and the UniLag ref.

    Be easy dear, 'cos amidst all the bullshit and crap...love's still a wonderful thing. Or would you rather have it any other way?

  15. This Anonymous dats LMAOing seems to have no sense of blog decorm or timing? Abi u dey lik tosyn and she kan giv u isho? Whoever u r me, carry ur beef somwia else, and leave the nice soothing remarks to people that actually have s'thing to say and are not jus spilling from reckless thought processes! no offence, mate!

  16. Aww..i agree with laolu7, time is the best healer..but yea, its also really soothin to listen to words of people who can relate to ur experience.

    I hope u get thru this..faster that 7 years..take care!

  17. hey tosyn dont wori u'll get ova it
    Y u ask? u is a fighter...besides u is kinda lucky wat if he lied n said he was ready wen he wasn't?

  18. i no how you feel love, BELIEVE ME!