Monday, January 26, 2009

part one

He had been trying to end things since December
I’m the fool who was still thinking forever
He’d brought his baggage and a story to tell
I sat and listened as he sold it well.
My every action, a flashback of his ex
His every move, a prelude to ‘NEXT!’
Massive difference between a Crazy Stalker and a Walker
Like the difference between a down-for-whatever, and a Keeper
He said he didn’t like to play games;
But how is toying with a heart not a dangerous game?
Like a game of chess, he made a killer move,
I woke up one day, and no longer knew where we stood!

No point changing yourself in a relationship
Me and him, in that same ship
He misread how to make me happy in all situations bar none…

We could have done without all the pretenses;
I had no chance with him putting up defences!
I had no shot with him putting up defences!
Yes I said it again, to let it sink in,
Yes I said it again, to keep my drowning heart from sinking!

He never said he would love me forever
His lies were not a lie but a promise unkept
He said he’d be there
He said we should always talk
He said he was looking forward to the adventure of discovery!
He told me not to run
He said not to make assumptions
He said we would always bloody talk!
But now, only a strap to a chair,
Would get him to admit the truth to me…
Here’s me saying it again and again
Cos now he is trying to play games with my head!
I’m not those other girls! Im not those other girls!
But I was doomed from the day we said hello!

Move on Tosyn or you will die here
Get yourself together, this is meant to be your year!


  1. "Move on Tosyn or you will die here
    Get yourself together, this is meant to be your year!"
    Yo Toss,
    There's something cool about the above.
    I like..
    It's your year
    Go get em

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. These words won't pull down the skies. Sorry my dear, they won't.

    Love street is marked with "slime" and grime.

    Rant more if it makes you feel better.

    Know this, all the stains on the bed of love are not all caused through pains. There are glitters of pleasure too.

    Hasn't it never been rosy? Confess!

    Take it easy, if you can.

    The gloomy cloud will surely clear for a bright new day!

  4. Hello Tosyn(hope i got it right)

    I don't normally visit blogs but decided to out of curiosity(i hear it kills but not always i dare say).

    Interesting read, i like the way you write.Anyway am here to comment on the last sentence. "AM NOT ONE OF THOSE OTHER GIRLS"

    After women go through stuff like what you have been through(i honestly know how you feel having gone down that road very recently myself) we always say to ourselves am not one of those girls i won't allow him do XYZ to my head and heart,or am not those girls, he won't get away with what he did.Blah blah and more blah.

    Very recently i only stopped to ask myself something maybe in some ways i am one of "THOSE" girls.Allowing my heart take me into hands that are only to quick to make promises they cannot keep.Its only after the rain is gone we truly see clearly at who he really was and begin to swear that we are not one of those girls and won't allow such bull.... happen to us again.But sometimes it always repeats itself. Same stuff just a different package.

    So who are "THOSE GIRLS" really? My dear in some ways we are those girls. Boom!it hits you in the face like a heavy blow from a bad auto accident. Thats the wake up call most times. Are men monsters? nope.I have a very adorable brother and i can swear by my left kidney that he's the sweetest person ever.We sometimes need to step back and assess the guy whose tongue looks like a hive staight from the movie secret life of the bees and baby pray(sounds to spiritual but trust me it works.

    (SIGH) Only God can help us as women. I would really want to say so much more but have loads to tidy on my desk.

    Its hard but like Nobs said move on gurl...Nobs u no be woman oh and can't understand the feeling right now. Trust me even the hardest ones amongst us goes through this breaking points in our lives.

    Like i said anyway interesting read...would stop by more often from now on!

  5. I'm trying hard not to get addcited to your blog but i am,at the begining i read with one eye closed,at the end my both eyes and my mouth was wide open,gr8 one there....

  6. Great writing as always, Tosyn. Your words def tell a story many can relate to.
    Your light is too bright to let it be dimmed,at least, not for long...

  7. this is a great piece tosyn, keep it up. am wondering if you can permit me to use it in the next edition of my magazine. the magazine is called CAMPUS XCELLENCE it is an inter-collegiate magazine celebrating life 'n' style of Nigerian students. waiting for ur response

  8. the tide comes in; the pain flows like ocean waves...
    but then, it ebbs out; it always does.
    I pray for His strength to be made perfect in your time of weakness
    I pray that you'll be good to yourself
    I pray that when the fullness of time is spent, you do not pick at the scab of the healing/ healed wounds, and keep the pain fresh.

  9. Strong words, a cross between deep heart-felt emotions and smashing poetry. Where are we gonna place you now, Miss Bucknor?

    I cannot say 'I feel you'. That would be a lie, I have never had the chance to 'feel' a heart-break. But,I can relate to what you convey with these their entirety. Thank you for 'sharing' your pain.

    Surprisingly, it might comfort a lot more people than you aimed for. What do you think about posting this on ? Holla.

  10. - i grant permission for the poetry to be used by any publication or portal AS LONG AS, i am credited and a link to this blog is provided
    these two conditions must be adhered to

    (i dey feel oh)

    thanks UnRulies, and everyone who is talking to me here, i am listening!
    chris, ure trying to be anonymous
    but noone talks like you
    you know now?

    Esosa, 'those girls' is deeper than what u are interpreting
    i am not referring to girls that are hurt
    i was referring to something more private
    but thank you for taking time out to s.h.a.r.e and care, and make me feel better

  11. Ms. B I wasnt gonna comment, well not yet but I jus quickly had 2 say this however... Are men monsters? Ofcourse not, well certainly not all of em but Are men weak? YES! We are weak creatures in the sense that we cant live up 2 our word and we are too coward 2 admit when she's just too much woman for us... we talk the talk cos lets be fair, anyone can do that but when we're looked upon 2 deliver the goods, when she's beggin within herself for us 2 act and be different (jus like we advertised on our shop window, the reason you walked in in the first place), we shrivel up and act typical! Seriously though it's gettin old and I apologise on my man's behalf! Someone's gotta kmt! And b4 I get misconstrued, there are surely exceptions to the norm and thats the kinda man you want 2 grow old with... Yup he's out there aswell!

  12. had a nice very eloquent comment but i forget :D

    dont be in a rush to move on. grieve, scream, yell,throw things, .....dont break nobody's cars tho....take your sweet precious time and get over it at your own pace. forget what anybody says or tells you. we dont no your pain. only you do. so be self centered and self serving. just get yourself out of the rut yeh! 2009 is your year! hurry up n start living it!

    and miss drama queen, we ALL love you no matter what we say ;)

  13. Nope, I'm not the anonymous person.

    I can't remember the last time I used "His" in the middle of a sentence.

    Hope you're strong now.

    ... and AlooFar is different from Chris, ok?

  14. Love that poem... as a sista who feels you totally.. been there done that, and can tell you, it ain't worth it AT ALL. You are more than that. The fact that you've broken up with your guy doesn't change your value as a very special person. It only means that there is better out there for you, and, let's face it, probably for him too. Someone who understands and loves you the way you need, someone who understands and loves him the way he needs.

    Chin up girl. No guy is worth the hassle - if he put you through that hassle, then he's not for you, and would have made you both miserable in the end, period. Forgive - an important part of healing - move on, and dont give into the temptation to "discuss your ex with your future..." s'really tempting, but not helpful at all. If ever, give the "it just didnt work out, we weren't meant for each other..." vague line...

    Don't give your watching and waiting "mr right" the impression that you'd be the clingy "my guy is my whole world" type... scares guys like hell, and for good reason - no one is meant to be your whole world except your God.

    Live like it doesn't matter - we know it does, but live like it doesn't, and soon you will realise it really doesn't - Enjoy your life, live, love, let your new guy have to struggle to increase your happiness cos you are already so fulfilled... zat is the way it should be... and then you won't be under pressure to put him under pressure and he wont feel pressured but always longing to be more a part of your wonderful world! God bless and will be praying for you.

  15. allofar
    ure not the only chris in the world o o o

    wasnt thinking that was you
    was referring to ANOTHER chris

  16. yea Miss
    Move Onnnnnnnn!!!!!
    its ur year and ur goin to shine above like the real starr u are!!!

  17. Was just goin to tell Aloofar he's not d Chris... Hmm, so Aloofar is also a Chris?

    "His lies were not a lie but a promise unkept"
    I liked dis... U always get by, girl. Just do ur thing...

  18. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  19. Nice. as usual, an interesting read. an true esosa, sometimes, we are those girls. esp wen we let them do the smae things they'd do with those girls.