The fat and slim of it

I am wearing a white teeshirt and jeans

And when i left my house, i thought i was the sexiest babe to ever get on an okada

But i got to work and someone said very casually, "You have put on weight oh"

And there went my body confidence!

And this isn't the first time a casual remark has changed me from a sexy siren to a teletubby... at least in my mind.

You know what else i have noticed?

My mirror seems to show me exactly what i want to see

Let me explain.

When i was in my final year in school, i went through a sexy self-confident phase

It had soemthing to do with the fact that it was my final year and i would soon not be in that school any longer

I flirted with the guys, allowed myself be me, and found my style!

My hairstyles changed as my mood pleased until i began growing the dreads, i showed cleavage, wore short dresses, and basically realised a smile was the best accessory i could wear.

Back then, i didn't care what my weight was; i didn't even have scales anywhere at home?!

So imagine what it was like a few years later when for some reason, i lost weight.

And becamse slim and possibly fit

And heard,

"You looke better"

"You look sexier"

"You've lost weight"

blah blah blah

This came from people who knew me way back then!

And all i felt was,

"DOES THAT MEAN I WAS FAT???"

Cos i never saw that

But suddenly, i would look at pictures of myself and see fat cheeks, big boobs, and double chins

And pictures of now seemed the perfect look.

I wonder what i will see though in five years time

Am i actually looking emaciated?

Back to today though

I now feel fat

Flabby stomach and big thighs

Is that what i am

Or is that what my mind has decided to see?

Who knows

I am not going to get on a treadmill though

And i won't put the doughnuts and cappucinos away

You know what, i want to be sexy

And maybe it truly does come from within