You smile before you cry

Forgive me, i have been told i can be a bit morbid sometimes.

But are you ever worried when you are happy?

I am. Almost all the time. It's like at the back of my mind i am thinking, "Things have to balance out, i am going to cry soon".

My friends always tell me to shut up when i start doing that. And sometimes i do. But that niggling feeling always pops its head.

An artiste friend of mine (one of those that write beautifully and feel like they can break down emotionally. I am convinced i love him. I bet so is every other girl that meets him or his music) once said noone knows what happiness is.

I disagreed then and disagree now.

I know what it is, i have been happy before. Several times sef.

Happiness is just peace. It's like, "wow, this is good"

I like being happy

And yet, i feel i like being unhappy just as much

All the songs on my phone either make me cry or make me remember when i cried.

I have been told i make 'emo music'. I once came into a producer's studio where everyone is chirpy.

I left with everyone almost in tears. I had treated them to my playlist.

Yeah.

And yet my job and my life plan and desire involves making people happy.

How can someone who makes so many people happy not know how to stay happy?